Happy Mothers Day, Momma

Dear Momma,

I haven't talked to you in the longest time .. seems like forever, though I can still hear your voice. And smell your perfume.

There are so many things I want to tell you. So many. But mostly, I just want to lay my head in your lap and feel you brush the side of my face with your soft gentle reassuring hand.

You were the first person I thought to call during that awful September day .. and then I realized, you weren't there to talk to like we had talked when Princess Diana died.

And when they brought Bubba home, I wanted so bad to bury my head in your lap and pretend it wasn't happening.

When Nannie left to be with you and PawPaw and Daddy and Gran and PeePaw and Bubba, I tried staying away from the hospital, but I wasn't very successful at blocking the memory.

And then Sister .. Momma I never thought Sister would leave. I was sure her stubbornness would help her outlive us all. It seems like we are all still walking in a fog, still waiting for her to be released from the hospital. But she isn't coming back.

And now Uncle Wade joins all of you. It seems like more of you have gone than there are of us left.

And the weddings since you left.. Sister remarried .. Kevin and I dressed in overalls and gave her away.. and I decorated the yard for her wedding, which we had outside under the trees and she married on yours and Daddys wedding anniversary .. Mistie married and it was a beautiful wedding.. the guy she married is twice as tall as she is, talk about Mutt & Jeff ..lol.. she was so pretty in white.. Renee did a wonderful job of orchestrating the entire thing.. it was held at the white Gazebo there in the middle of West.. and Aunt Bobbie married a wonderful man and she retired from the hotels .. I know you were there with us at all of them, but I also know you most likely out-danced anyone around.

And the births Momma.. you would love all the young-uns we have running around here. First Little Mistie had Emmaree, then Kaleigh, then Wendal and now Kevins family includes little Emma Nicole.

I love you Momma and miss you so much. After you left, Sister and all of us, but mostly Sister, organized get-to-gathers, bar b ques and meals on Mothers Day .. and sometimes it was just a celebrated meal at Golden Corral.. this will be our first year without some celebration on Mothers Day. One year I made pinback buttons for everyone to wear from that picture of you at Gran and PeePaws 50th wedding anniversary bar-b-que that Daddy threw for them, where you are sticking out your tongue at the camera .. everyone gets a kick out of that pic ..

You were the best Momma a young, confused, artistic, creative, sensitive, shy, blond haired, blue eyed country boy could have ever hoped to have. You were fun to be around, I so loved making you laugh. You were so easy to talk with. If I could re-wind to that last moment when we talked, and I held you tight and kissed you goodbye before I left ... I would hold you longer, tighter and remind you how much you are loved..and I wouldn't have walked so comfortably from your room assured we were in the clear and everything was going to be ok .. before you slipped into that coma and left us.

Were you here, now.. Every day would be Mothers Day..

I love you, Momma
Toebo