Monday, August 30, 2010

canton aug /sept 2010 .. arbor 2, spaces 217 & 218

don't forget this coming weekend - also labor day weekend - is first monday canton .. we will be in arbor 2, spaces 217 & 218 ..i am going to be there with rod this month, so i would love to see all of you .. stop in and say hi ..

here are some pics of things we have been working on ..

lots to get done ..

lots to catch you up on when we get back from canton .. some exciting news on the horizon ..

love ya'

Thursday, August 19, 2010

a porch

it wasn't anything big or very southern, just a simple concrete slab of a front porch .. attached to a simple post war ranch style house .. but, we loved that front porch and it played a big part in a variety of activities that highlighted our childhood ..

foremost, that front porch signified 'home' .. home base .. safety .. protection .. and where we gathered to discuss the summer games scheduled for the day ..

our most popular summer game, we named 'pa-ting' (pah - ting) .. it involved one of us being 'it' or as we called them, 'pa-ting' .. their goal was to chase ( robot style ) the other participants in an effort to tag them with a baton ( an old twirling baton ) they carried .. and repeatedly say 'pa-ting, pa-ting, pa-ting' .. the other participants could run anywhere in the front yard they wanted except into the driveway or street .. mainly they had to stay on the grass .. the front porch was 'home base' .. and only one participant on home base at a time .. 'pa-ting' had to 'tag' 3 people to 'release themselves of the curse' .. the third person tagged would be the new 'pa-ting' .. and the game would go on ALL day ..

as i entered my pre-teens, we moved into a home on the outskirts of town that was more or less a farm .. it was a big old prairie style house with a huge southern style front porch and a big old barn .. we had horses, pigs, chickens, rabbits, goats and momma even raised doves .. we even had on old hoot owl in the barn and a raccoon in one of the sheds ..

the porch may have taken on a different shape and style, but it always stood for comfort, protection, safety .. home base ..

that old porch on the house on the hill .. as we came to call that home .. stood in at many bar-b-ques as a place where the kids always gathered on cots and roll-a-way beds to 'hunker down' for the evening .. whispering ghost stories to one another .. trying to stay awake to watch the sun come up .. the morning dew misting the sun dried sheets, cooling our sun burned legs and backs .. the comforting sound of fathers snoring, in their lawn chairs, under the trees of the side yard .. the smell of bacon frying and coffee brewing and fresh cantaloupe filling the morning air ..

i long for a place with a nice front porch ..

wishing you all a joy filled day ..

love, troy

Saturday, August 7, 2010

about old barns ..

i loved teresa's post on old barns ...

it made me think of the big old barn we had on the property when i was just a teen ..

seems we always lived out in the country .. when this photo was taken, sister was married and living in hillsboro working as a nurse for grant buie hospital in hillsboro .. momma was pregnant with our baby brother kevin ..i am the one in the plaid pants .. my older brother wendal stands next to me .. in front is our middle sister, carra rebecca - becky and our baby sister, renee .. the barn held a lot of good and bad memories .. secrets .. daddy didn't like us playing in the barn .. but we always snuck off to play 'fort' or 'hide and seek' .. wendal and i discovered a stack of old records and spent the summer tossing them out into the field and using them as target practice .. it's where i smoked my first cigarette .. it was where i first participated in the fall ritual of hog killing - and my last time .. behind that old truck was a huge old fig tree .. momma loved figs and we would pick them for her to make preserves ..
i remember one time being in the hay loft of the barn when i was not supposed to and hearing momma and daddy calling my name ..we used to jump out the door of the hay loft and land in the soft dirt below .. one day i jumped .. barefoot and all .. and landed on a broken coke bottle .. slicing my foot just under my big toe and the toe next to it .. i was so scared that i would now have to tell them where i had been .. i was surprised that i did not get a whipping ..

anyway, i love this old barn ..

thank you, teresa for sharing and stirring memories ..

love ya'll

Friday, August 6, 2010

about last month ..

i am on my way back.. it just seems like a long road .. thank you all for all the nice things you have said and the words of encouragement .. i apologize for neglecting you .. i know you understand that somewhere i just needed some time .. i knew a year ago that Sister was not long for this world .. her body had been fighting since she was 16 .. that's a long fight, especially when even the doctors can't tell you what exactly is wrong with you .. up until 2 weeks prior her doctors were all saying she was doing great, then it was as if one day she went to sleep and the next day they were saying her liver was shutting down .. they called it NASH .. from her diabetes and all the antibiotics she has/had taken throughout her life ..the massive amounts of painkillers .. at 16 she became addicted to morphine while hospitalized .. she was pulled from a horse and landed stomach first onto a tree stump .. she was hospitalized for 15 months in the late summer of 1969...our father was in the hospital with a heart attack and our mother had to ask friends to care for the remaining 4 of us (there were only 5 kids at that time - we grew to 6).. it's an odd feeling seeing your sisters face on a jar in the grocery store begging for money to help with hospital costs .. the whispers of well meaning neighbors .. "she's not expected to live" - "and her father is near death" .. she never was able to have children .. though she did adopt a son ..and after leaving the hospital she conquered her addiction to painkillers, though every trip to the hospital was a fight for her as the doctors ordered more and more painkillers in higher and higher doses .. finally the last 3 months of her life she said 'enough' .. i don't know where she found the strength, but she and her husband worked together and she was able to deal with her pain without drugs .. she was making weekly, often bi-weekly trips to the ER and she loved loudly telling the nurses and doctors .. do what you need to, but no narcotics ..
i could sit here and tell you what a wonderful loving sister she was.. how she had always just been 'Sister' - Aunt Sister, Sister Momma .. how she would pretend to not like children, but we all knew she loved children .. it was just the mask of the pain of not being able to give birth .. how when our parents passed, she would enjoy telling us she wasn't our mother, yet was always there with a stern warning of advice every thanksgiving she would spend weeks preparing and planning a family get-to-gether and then after thanksgiving meal would proclaim she wasn't doing it again next year .. only to begin planning halloween night .. how she would open her home to anyone in need .. how she went to work as a cook at a boys ranch and became the confidant and mother confessor to boys who seemed to have lost their way .. and became momma joyce ..
because the last year she spent so much time in and out of the hospital, i have to remind myself daily that she really is gone .. she is not coming back .. i keep thinking i need to stop and go visit her or call her at the hospital .. i keep thinking she will be home tomorrow .. but she won't ..
i spent the last week spending the nights with her in the hospital .. the doctors had convinced her to accept the painkillers, as they would make her more comfortable .. so i sat with her and watched her sleep and texted postings to facebook for family on updates of her health .. and my thoughts ..

"fear of the sound of silence heard above the laughter and tears. the sharing of memories, the love of brothers and sisters .. family. for those who wonder, a new day begins much the same as the previous. prayers for Gods will and a peaceful journey. we love you, sister..."

"where you been? from the lips of a sleeper can jar the senses and chill the soul of a watcher when mumbled in the darkness of the unknown... peace to all the sleeptalkers and watchers... live the love..hold the light high.. smiles"

"conversations with sleep talkers. as if standing in the wings watching memories unfold. startling. raw. funny. filled with love and light. gifts from god. gratitude fills me. .... love for all."

"when the voices of the past whisper in your heart late in the night, sometimes the only thing you can do is listen.... i love you all"

"i already miss her so much .. the love and care for her has become such a routine .. a part of me .. not sure i can make it through this .. i miss her so much just putting one foot in front of the other seems an almost impossible feat .. what will i do?"

so i thought i was doing ok .. moving along .. getting by .. i was checking the tv for some lighthearted funny show .. and i come across a movie 'the invention of lying' with ricky gervais .. who i have always gotten a good laugh from .. so it's cute, it's fun and then .. boom .. there is a scene where he is talking to his mother, who is in a hospital dying ... and he begins to tell her what heaven is like .. and i feel a tear .. and then i can't stop crying .. every thing he tells his mother sounds like something i told sister in those last days .. and i feel rod holding me and feel this tremendous release of emotion .. knowing that everything is ok.. knowing that she is no longer in pain .. knowing that she is in the arms of God .. and knowing that i will see her again one day ..

'where you go when you die', from the invention of lying

i love you, all